The truth about online dating

13 May The truth about online dating

Posted at 14:48h in Interactive Journalism, Level 6 by Washington

I have chose to apply for the “What’s New in Publishing Journalism Award”. My competition entry is an article titled “the truth about online dating”. I proposed a written article with audio embedded through to make it multimedia as that is what was required for the entry. I stated I wanted the piece to be between 1500-2000 words and although LJ said 2000 the word count fell in-between my initial proposed word count. I feel it reached a conclusion and the use of more words would only mean rambling unnecessarily.  I also added embeds from twitter to further demonstrate my point and also add another element of media. The embeds didn’t work on the submission site however the did work on my website so I will link the page here so you can see my vision. The audio were clips from interviews I had where I acquired different voices with their own perspectives of online dating.

 

The article

We’ve all heard the horror stories of being kidnapped or attacked when meeting our online dates in person. Seen the television shows and YouTube videos of being catfished and swindled out of our hard-earned money. Why would anyone willingly online date? Social media and dating apps are the new way of entering in relationships.

Picture from Pexels

Growing up in the golden age of social media where creating businesses, building brands and simply connecting with people can all be done with a few swipes and a touch of a button, the next logical step is to start romantic relationships. Dating app “Tinder” has 50 million usersand on average 10 million active users per day. Traditionally, similar services would require applicants to fill in extensive questionnaires to determine compatibilities, the average app gives the option of signing in with a social media account or an email address. With no real obligation or protocols to enforce and ensure user safety, many dangerous people have gone undetected. There have been a number of users attacked during dates or put into positions they would have avoided in normal circumstances.

Initially started to help lonely singles meet and create long-term relationships, online dating has rapidly changed how we date. Even I have had my fair share of awkward Tinder conversations when I was on the app (purely research purposes I assure you) but is it possible to meet the one? The likelihood of finding your soulmate is 1 in 10 thousandyet the average person is willing to try almost anything to be in that position. Dating and navigating our way throughout relationships is something many of us have struggled with for generations. As far back as the 1600’s people have been using public forums to find love. For centuries many cultures have encouraged the practice of arranged marriages to ensure their children and loved ones end up in relationships. Finding a partner and being able to spend your life with one person is a societal ideal that has continuously been perpetuated but to what end? Love and marriage are what a lot of us crave and internet dating seems to be an easy way of getting to that point.

Chris Wallace, a 25-year-old construction entrepreneur recounts the process of turning a simple “hi” into navigating an online international relationship with his fiancé.  “When you send that first message (online) they either respond or they don’t respond but luckily she did” it was purely by chance they met and that was when the relationship started “when I told her I was single she thought I was lying”. Both Chris and his fiancé had the same mindset but that doesn’t mean the relationship is without problems “it’s more communication for me I think, I’ve learned a lot since doing this’ being so far away from his fiancé can cause a lot of strain but as long as they are able to express themselves to one another it makes it worth it. He truly believes online dating will be in everyone’s future “for the next couple of years that’s what you will find running the country because it does work”.

For me however I wasn’t able to go passed the conversation phase, I had preconceived notions of the type of people who use dating apps and they were reinforced by the people I conversed with. For a lot of my tinder matches, after the initial small talk they were straight in with the awkward “what’s your body count” or “want to fuck” questions. Whilst I, like many, can appreciate the no nonsense straight to the point demeaner, it left a bad taste in my mouth and ultimately put me off. I wasn’t looking for love and I certainly wasn’t looking for a casual fling so apps were not the right fit for me.

Online dating has existed since the 1990’swhen the internet was born. Singles could connect with one another using online forums and chatrooms but just five short years later Match.com, the first official dating website, launched changing the culture of dating forever. As millennials and generations Z enter the dating world with a more open-minded view on relationships, we have seen a shift in how these sites are navigated. According to internationally known online dating service eHarmony, “by 2031 more than 50% of couples would have met online”. An estimated 38% of relationships will start on matchmaking services or online dating and the remaining 12% through other online sites. Although the rates in which we use online dating has increased substantially, there are many occasions where things have taken a negative turn.

Global web indexhas stated that 75% of online daters are under the age of 30, statistically speak younger people are more inclined to consider dating in this way. Requiring less in person in person contact dating in this way means you can fit it in around whatever lifestyle you have. Phone apps allow you to weed through all the undesirable candidates without feeling as if you’ve wasted your own time by sitting through boring dates that have no future. With apps such as “Bumble” challenging the status quo of traditional dating forcing women to make the first move it can put users fears at ease.

I spoke with Ber-Reece Logan, a 20-year-old sales advisor from South London, about why she wants to begin using dating apps and online dating in general. “I want to find love, but it’s difficult to meet people in person because I have anxiety”. Being so young and seeing her friends in happy relationships makes her think the grass is greener. Whilst she is scared to approach people in person, it doesn’t stop her receiving male attention “Men normally say “Hi how old are you” but they are not people I see myself with. It’d be nice to go out on dates and things with someone I actually like”. Online dating is no longer for those who can’t get dates, it just means you can be specific. When writing your profile, you can say exactly what you are looking for and if you match with someone there is no confusion about where things are going. Whist Ber-Reece is ready to online date she still has her reservations “Even though I want to meet someone, I’m scared about what’s going to happen when I meet them”. Having an opportunity to find love is enough of prize that she is willing to put her own fears to the side, she also believes over tie many more people will do the same “Not only can you meet people on dating apps, you can even meet them on social media. Twitter has a whole hashtag about it”

She was right, twitter has a trending hashtag started by users who found love on the app.  The #WeMetOnTwitter hashtag is proof that online encounters can lead to long-term relationships be it friendships or romantic. Most of the posts that include the hashtag are recounting stories of meeting their partner. A lot of the time it begins when one slides into the others dm’s, which if you didn’t know means direct messaging someone. The ability to communicate with people without having to meet them I person is the main purpose of social media which is an element of online dating that appeals to many. Using a platform that was once a place to post opinions in less than 140 characters and turning it into the foundation of a relationship is amazing and somewhat magical.

The ability to create meaningful relationships online is an advantage that is often take advantage of by predators. With easy access to pictures of attractive people floating around online it is easy for someone to take on the identity of someone else or even create a whole new one. The term “Catfishing” was created from this process. The phenomenon was named by Nev Shulman after the same thing happened to him and he filmed the process for a documentary which later turned into a hit television show. You can never truly know who you are talking to online until you meet them face to face, but even then, anything is possible. Whilst hashtags on social media can bring people together, we have also seen is putting people in uncomfortable positions. Maintaining a strong online connection is the backbone of these relationships so if you are unable to fully trust your partner is who they say they are it can be dangerous; video calling is a major priority.

So, why would anyone be willing to use social media and dating apps to start romantic relationship? Honestly the answer is because it’s easy! Download an app, fill in the profile and choose a person you find attractive. On the face of it, there are no real surprises. You see a picture and read a bio and that is enough to know whether you want to find out more or not. In life you can’t read people that easily. We put up walls and create personas but with a screen you can put your best self forward. Yes, there is a possibility that you are putting yourself in danger, but it is very unlikely. Although online dating isn’t what I see for my personal future I can agree that it is the direction the world is going in. Whilst you may end up with a bruised ego if things go wrong, if things go to plan you could even meet the love of your life and future partner. To each their own I say as we should do whatever makes us happy. And that is the truth about online dating.

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Washington
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