28 Jan The effects abortions have on family members
In my journalism project I’m exploring the impact terminations can have on close family members. Rather than focus on the woman having the termination, which has been covered many times, I’m interested in how those around the woman cope with her choice – how a mother feels having to support her daughter through this decision even though it might be against her own feelings on the issue for example. I use the experience of my family as my starting point and will talk to experts about the potential impact on mental health, family dynamics, partners etc. I hope to show my audience something I don’t think has been raised enough and I want to show family members like mothers and fathers that it’s okay to speak to people about how they’re feeling, even if they think its the wrong thing to do.
Every year, thousands of women make the decision to have an abortion, for many different reasons, but has anyone ever thought about the effects that this may have on the people around them? With many questions raised, I step inside the minds of 4 different people who’ve been effected by a close female family members’ decision to have a termination.
Abortion effects everyone, whether they know it or not. It’s a choice that not only influences the woman but also everyone that’s close to them. I hear from and meet siblings, mothers and fathers who have experienced abortion within their families and the long-lasting effects that it may have internally. Each one of these people have a story, a story that doesn’t often get shared for many reasons. Some may feel like they need to keep their feelings hidden in order to be supportive, some may feel shame, grief or even fear.
To think abortion only impacts the mother and child preparing to be born is a small minded way of thinking, it takes away the importance of how the family members are genuinely feeling and the pain they’re experiencing. A lot of people manage to get wrapped up in this idea of only focusing on the emotional and physical state of the woman, which isn’t necessarily the wrong thing, but there is no support system for the families who are effected and their stories need to be heard.
Michelle, a mother, spoke out about her experiences seeing her eldest daughter having an abortion. The way it effected her mental state and the journey she went through from the moment she found out, going to the clinic with her and the aftermath. Michelle was one of the few women I spoke to who’s story spoke to me and showed me truly how painful the experience can be from a Mother’s perspective.
“I felt like I could see ghost-like figures of baby’s faces crying, which is crazy, I knew it was crazy, I don’t even know where it came from”. The effect it had on this Mother was so big, she felt like she was having a form of hallucination while she was sitting in the waiting room for her daughter to come out.
Michelle spoke about the aftermath and how her daughter never will know how truly effected she was by the procedure. She kept her feelings hidden away as she explains it wasn’t about her, it was about her daughter and she needed to stay strong for her and be there for her.
We find that young women can either be very accepting to parental support or strongly objective. A recent study shows that one-third of women made the decision to not to have an abortion earlier on in their pregnancy because they were too afraid to tell their parents and women under the age of 18 were 39% more likely to have delayed their abortion due to not wanting to tell their parents.
Another study has shown that after an abortion women have reported having relationship problems, alcohol and drug abuse and higher suicide rates. The statistics clearly show a high level of concern which highlights not only how abortions effect families but the aftermath of what a woman could do to herself.
Another mother that told her story, Sue, expressed what it was like for her and her husband when she found out her daughter wanted to have an abortion.
“First of all I was really angry with her, why wasn’t she being careful, we live in Nottingham she’s in London, she wasn’t with anyone, it was a massive shock”. Sue was in more of an angry state than upset initially, which typically is more expected when their child is a teen. She goes on to explain that she pushed her feelings aside and became less emotional and more supportive by driving to London straight away from Nottingham and making sure her daughter got the abortion straight away.
Many people have different reactions, some very mixed with sad and anger, some completely emotionless and have the attitude to make them abort the child straight away and some are supportive and push their emotions aside completely.
Abortion not only effects people emotionally but it’s also prone to destroying relationships. It can break people up and break families apart, Michelle’s story is evidence of this. “My daughter who was 21 at the time, was in a relationship we all knew wasn’t great, he was very controlling, he wasn’t happy with it and he’d left her”. 1 individual managed to break the family apart and this isn’t the only case. A study has found that nearly 73.8% of women who have had an abortion had admitted they had experienced some form of pressure either from a family member or a significant other to terminate their pregnancy. 58.3% of the women said they had the abortion in order to make others happy and nearly 30% said they were scared that they would lose their significant other if they didn’t get an abortion. So this narrows down to how men in particular are being effected with their partners falling pregnant and it seems like the vast majority of these women who’ve had abortions because of these reasons is because the male has and wants no emotional attachment to the abortion process.
Do families get any support post-abortion? It’s known that there are support systems once a woman has had an abortion but if there was someone a family member needed to talk to is support for them easily accessible?
Yasmin, an abortion doula from ConsultMyBaby, speaks out about her patients and how her profession is solely to support the woman and look after her throughout the abortion process and afterwards. Through the description of her job role, you would think that this surely means that she is close with the family as well as the woman. She has more of an inside look on the abortion process but from an outside perspective. Has she dealt with family members and if so what is it like for her?
“I have, but it’s not as common. I think there’s still this conception about abortion and it being such a terrible thing and a lot of women still do it in secret. A lot of women have had 1 abortion 2 abortions and nobody else knows about it”.
Unexpectedly, abortion doulas don’t have much experience in dealing with family members as it may come across. Yasmin’s experiences have commonly been that women who decide to go to her for help, usually don’t want their families knowing. Afraid of disappointing them, upsetting them or effecting their mental health, they keep it to themselves.
The handful of women she has worked with, who have shared their experience with their families, have usually been upset but supportive, which is the most common case but she can’t say the same for the rest. She explains how there have been families who’ve reacted badly, some that have even turned up to the clinic trying to stop them from doing it and ended up having to be separated. Yasmin’s perspective is important because it’s an interesting role in a woman’s termination that not many people would usually consider.
With Yasmin giving her view being a more personal but professional expert on abortions, what do the more “professional” experts experience when it comes to the families and how they are effected? BPAS (British Pregnancy Advisory Service) is a healthcare that cares for women and couples who decide to have a termination. Bethany Dack, an advisor from BPAS, is one of the many women who work for the charity and experiences many different clients each day. But in a profession that large, do they get to see a more personal look on it or is it strictly professional?
“The job is only ever interacting with the woman and sometimes her partner. They can come to us for advise on how to tell their family, or sometimes advise on dealing with how their families have reacted. The women we speak to usually come alone and are seeking advise on how to get the abortion without anybody knowing. Others seek advise with their partner which is usually a lot better for her because she isn’t as alone”.
Speaking from a professional perspective, Bethany proves that many women seek advise from charities like BPAS because they haven’t told their families. This seems to be a reoccurring problem right? Maybe they are already aware of the effects the decision can have on their loved ones so therefore keep it a secret to protect themselves and their families.
It’s known that women are more comfortable in telling their mothers as opposed to their fathers. But why? Their mothers have a sense of common ground, they know what they are going through on a more personal level. Their mother has experienced child birth so the woman would feel like they can open up more. But what about the fathers? In society, it’s not common for men to open up and sometimes it’s looked upon as not being normal.
Richard, a father, opens up about his experience with seeing his daughter go through an abortion and how this effected him. Before speaking to Richard, he found it difficult talking about it and was clear to see that he hadn’t opened up about it before.
“I remember feeling just complete shock, that was probably the first time my daughter did actually see me cry”.
“In the house it felt like it was empty, in some weird way”
A male’s perspective, especially a fathers, is rare to hear. It suddenly becomes more raw and emotional and it shows just how much abortions do effect others.
With thousands of women a year having abortions, this means thousands of families will be going through the process with their daughter/granddaughter/sister/niece and many will be effected. Abortions are a decision that is made by the woman and woman only and that decision should be supported by her loved ones. But is there something we could do that could also support the families around her too?
Radio Package Transcript:
Every year, thousands of women make the decision to have an abortion, for many different reasons, but has anyone ever thought about the effects that this may have on the people around them? With many questions raised, I speak to 3 experts about their experiences with abortions and how they have seen the effects this can have on the people around them. Abortion doula, Yasmin from ConsultMyBaby spoke to me about what she does in her everyday life and what her thoughts have been when it comes to families being effected around abortions.
*Yasmins interview*
With Yasmin giving more of a personal view on her experiences, I wanted to speak with someone with more of a broad approach on their views and experiences. I went to speak to Bethany Dack, a lady who is a part of the charity British Pregnancy Advisory Service, she spoke with me about how many women she typically meets with each day and how involved the families are with the women who come to their charity.
*Bethany Interview*
The charity BPAS focuses on the women and women only, so it’s hard for anyone to speak about families on a personal level if they haven’t had contact with them 1 on 1. I found a psychiatrist who has had personal experience in the aftermath of abortions and how he has found a lot of parents coming, more so alone than together, to speak to about the struggle of their daughter having a termination.
*Psychiatrist interview*
With many families being effected post-abortion. Is there more that can be done to help them. I found many people are only having experiences with the women but not the people around them. Maybe there is something more that can be done to help these people who are being torn apart by the decision that 1 individual has made.
Sue’s story:
Michelle’s story:
Richard’s story:
Expert interview 1/3, Yasmin- NOT EDITED:
Upcoming Interviews:
Meeting with a lady named Bethany Dack from the charity BPAS, a charity that helps women have abortions. Spoke with her briefly over the phone, which is why I have quoted her in my written piece, but didn’t get it recorded. So she has arranged to meet with me in the upcoming weeks so I can sit down with her and record her as part of my radio package.
I had an interview with one of my a close friends’ mum, she had agreed to do an interview with me but as the interview drew closer, she pulled out as she felt she wasn’t comfortable enough to speak with me. So I’m currently looking for my 4th interview with a family member. I have sent out messages via social media and also reached out to people I know personally and are waiting on a response. So in regards to my transcript with the new person I will hope to find within the next couple of weeks, I will be giving them a guide to what kind of information I want from them, like I did with the other 3 people. I will be asking them when they found out, their initial reactions, the process of them having it, how they felt afterwards.
Got into contact with a psychiatrist via Twitter, I’m hoping to meet with him for an interview but he is hard to hold down due to his profession. He also is limited in what he can tell me due to client confidentiality. If not I will be visiting a Marie Stopes clinic in Southend within the next few weeks if he doesn’t get back to me to speak with one of the nurses there.
Sources:
- Michelle Kemp, my mother, spoke about her experiences in dealing with her emotional state when her eldest daughter had an abortion
- Sue Ingamells, a mother, spoke about her only daughter who had an abortion whilst she was living away from home
- Richard Kemp, my father, spoke about his daughter who had an abortion and his emotional state
- Yasmin Aly, an abortion doula, spoke with me about her job role, what she has had to experience within her day to day job and if she had any experiences in dealing with family members of her clients
- Bethany Dack, a lady from the charity BPAS, briefly spoke with her over the phone for a short chat, meeting with her in a couple of weeks for a recorded interview which I will be adding into my radio package with my 2 other expert interviews
- Kamil Porter, psychiatrist, been in contact with him via Twitter, hoping to visit him within the next upcoming weeks to get more of a closer look inside the mind of someone who has gone through this
- Going to get into contact with a Marie Stopes clinic to see if I can get an interview with one of the nurses there
- Currently looking for my 4th interview with a family member as my last interview pulled out last minute
Stats:
- “A recent study shows that one-third of women made the decision to not to have an abortion earlier on in their pregnancy because they were too afraid to tell their parents and women under the age of 18 were 39% more likely to have delayed their abortion due to not wanting to tell their parents”- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3243347
- “Another study has shown that after an abortion women have reported having relationship problems, alcohol and drug abuse and higher suicide rates”- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3929105/
- “A study has found that nearly 73.8% of women who have had an abortion had admitted they had experienced some form of pressure either from a family member or a significant other to terminate their pregnancy. 58.3% of the women said they had the abortion in order to make others happy and nearly 30% said they were scared that they would lose their significant other if they didn’t get an abortion”- https://www.pop.org/many-american-women-felt-pressured-abortions-study-finds/
Research Conducted:
Some websites where I found my research, also where I found some of my contacts like BPAS:
https://www.deveber.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Chap15.pdf
https://www.familyfirst.org.nz/2014/05/how-abortion-impacts-mothers-families-and-our-society-study/
